I've decided to go back to Jean-Claude, determined to make it work. The point is, Jean-Claude can't take all the blame in this relationship. and just when he thought he had his shit together and was ready to patch things up, he saw us with Scary Movie 1, 2, 3 and 4. ![]() There was that movie with Dennis Rodman, some rough legal battles, drugs, a movie about exploding pants starring Rob Schneider. ![]() The film JCVD, his first theatrical release in many years, was like a heartfelt apology letter to us. For many years, America's only interaction with Van Damme has been when fat people collapse at exactly the right spot of Blockbuster video. Yet despite these impressive figures, our love affair with him has gone cold. He gets a boner on international television every 46 hours, at precisely the same mathematical rate that humans are attacked by sharks, but science calls this "coincidence." He has crushed enough testicles to fill 14 oatmeal museums. ![]() He has a fight record of 4078-0 with 831 no contests due to Doing the Splits and Punching Balls. ![]() Jean-Claude Van Damme is arguably our country's greatest president.
0 Comments
Leave a Reply. |
AuthorWrite something about yourself. No need to be fancy, just an overview. ArchivesCategories |